Part of the reason I wanted to start this blog was to have an avenue where I could write down any random thoughts and potentially have open dialogue about real life issues. This post is about the challenges I have faced adjusting to becoming a mother for the first time.
Growing up I do not remember ever being one of those girls who dreamt of having a family and having babies, and have never been particularly maternal. P and I have been married for 3 years, together for 7, and until 2013 I never really had the urge to have children so we kept putting it off. Another reason we took so long was that I am a big planner and had it in my mind that we had to be in a certain position financially before it was even an option. I enjoyed our life, we went traveling, ate out at fancy restaurants, I enjoyed doing whatever I liked, whenever I liked, and I enjoyed it just being us. All that changed early 2013 where suddenly it was like my brain had done a complete 180 and all I could think about was having a baby! So we put a plan in action to make sure all our ducks were in a line before we took the plunge.
I had an easy pregnancy and looked forward to the arrival of S, and to starting our new life. Little did I know how much of a change it would actually be. Everyone tells you all the great things about a new little baby, but I found no-one really talked about just how hard it is, at least not until you had a baby. I will always remember what my obstetrician said to me when I was around 30 weeks pregnant, and that was not to worry about the labour and delivery as he had that covered, but to think about what its going to be like when we bring baby home, and boy was he right. In comparison, labour was so easy.
The first three weeks of S's life were the hardest of my life, as she pretty much cried and screamed 24/7. It wasn't until she was diagnosed with a tongue tie at 2 weeks that we realised it was because she was hungry all the time! I felt like such a failure, and when she had lost too much weight and was struggling to put enough back on, all the comments by the nurses and doctors made me feel even worse. The sleep deprivation was also not what I expected, having been someone who always had at least 9 hours sleep every night, so this was very difficult to adjust to. I have said to a few people that being a mum is harder than my worst day at work ever was.
I used to be a meticulous planner and so organised, and once baby S was here it was a huge shock to the system having to figure out how to fit her into everything. Turns out, we just had to learn to fit in around her. Once we started getting into a routine, we were all so much happier and really started to enjoy our new family life.
In the last 10 weeks, I have learned not to stress so much over the small things; like being 10 minutes late meeting someone, to trust my instincts when it comes to S and not let other people worry me unnecessarily, and overall, that family is the most important thing in the world. I now enjoy having some days where we have nothing planned and just go with the flow. I love my little girl and am so happy that she chose me to be her mum, and can't wait to see the little person she develops into.
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